5 annoying commercials

1. Blinds to Go. “It’s as calming as my yoga class.” Am I the only one who thinks it’s ridiculous to compare blinds shopping, really any kind of shopping, to a yoga class? I realize I’m a freak of nature in that I’m a woman who hates shopping. I find all the decision making as far away from calming as you can get. But even if you love shopping, is it anything like a yoga class? Maybe this woman tries on an outfit and then does downward dog in the dressing room. Yes, this outfit looks good, but how would it look in warrior one…

2. Eharmony.ca. You know, hubby is a wonderful guy, we have a happy marriage and I would love for everyone to find love and live their lives in, well, in “harmony.” So I am not sure why I find it so reprehensible that some marketing a*holes are trying to sell this annoyingly smug couple as “real” people who found each other on a dating site. I have nothing against dating sites. I know perfectly nice, normal people who have found their matches this way. But these people. The guy doing yoga in the street. The two of them talking about setting up their own store, dancing at five in the morning “with mud and splatter paint.” Ugh. Go away. And by the way, maybe instead of painting you should spend a little time on pool maintenance. It looks like you’re sitting by a swamp.

3. Kleenex. “Touch, touch, touch, touch … feeeel.” I don’t know if this is annoying so much as it just doesn’t work. I don’t go around all day thinking of how I touch everything, and I really don’t need to be reminded. When I grab a tissue it’s usually because someone has just sneezed, has snot running down to her upper lip and is panicking, “Uh! Uh! Mommmmmaaaa!” At this crucial moment I’m really not thinking, “Feeeeeeel…..”.

4. BMO. Okay, the first time I saw this funny-looking blonde woman trying to translate investments as “investmentitos” and matching market fluctuations to the tone of her voice – “sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down,” – I kinda chuckled. But after the tenth time it was just annoying. Hm, maybe if I yell louder and put an O on the end of my words she’ll understand me. It’s pretty offensive, actually.

5. Bath Fitter. “Lover Boy! Isn’t it time we did something about the bathroom?”
Right, I saved the best for last. This one is so bad, it’s good. I mean hilarious. Agh! I don’t know where to start. Okay, first. I don’t know anyone who would actually use the term “Lover Boy.” Gross! Not allowed. Here are the only reasonable instances when you may need to utter these words: a) you’re talking about the eighties Canadian rock band or b) you’ve found yourself crawling across the floor with Patrick Swayze, lip syncing to “Love is Strange.” Otherwise, there’s no excuse. But what’s even more hilarious is this guy! If someone were to break the rule and call a man “Lover Boy,” this guy has got to be the antithesis to what these words would conjure in my head. I mean, check out his face as he’s pouring his coffee! It’s too much! And then he says, “I’m just as smart as she is. I called Bath Fitter.” Because it takes a mental giant to pick up a phone and press some buttons. Oh god. I just want to know who was doing the casting when they were putting this ad together. “Yeah, this Brad Pitt look alike is okay for Lover Boy, but where’s that guy who looks like Baba Booey and Millhouse’s love child?”