5 funny kid quotes

My Facebook friends may be familiar with some of these...

1. Germs.
Me: Max, can I have a sip of your water?

Max: Shakes his head. I don’t like other people’s germs.

Me: Even your mummy’s? You used to live inside my body, you know…

Max: Yeah, but I forget what it tasted like.

2. The Letter P
Me: ...And what letter is this?

Sarah: P!

Me: And whose name starts with P? (Motioning towards myself...)

Sarah: Momma!

Me: Yes, but what's Momma's real name?

Sarah: Thinks for a moment and then... Babe!

3. Glowing. Sarah and I were reading this morning. She got to the last page of her book which depicted a cartoon firefly all lit up and underneath it read “I like to glow.”

Sarah read, “I like glow.”

“Okay,” I said. “What’s this?” I asked, pointing to the “to.”

Not understanding that she just missed a word and thinking she read something wrong, Sarah started again, “I like to….. I like to….. I like to light up my bum!”

4. Birds and the bees. I decided a while ago that an open approach to this topic with my children is best. So when Max asked me the inevitable baby question a couple of years ago at about age five, I tackled it head on. The ensuing conversation was much less traumatic than I anticipated. In fact, not at all so. I answered his questions frankly and he took it all very much in stride. I gave myself a little pat on the back for being a mom of the millennium! Answering sex questions with honest, age-appropriate responses.

So later my mom was visiting. (You see where this is going?) She was here on her yearly visit from Australia. We were spending a lovely Saturday afternoon, Doug was relaxing with a cool drink, Max and Nana were doing a puzzle, I was – you guessed it – Facebooking as usual. Out of the blue, Max pipes up, “Daddy, did you stick your penis in Mommy’s vagina?” As hubby stammered, grappling with the appropriate response to this question in front of his mother-in-law, Max muttered, “That’s so ‘isgusting.”

5. Birds and the bees, continued. After the aforementioned big revelation in front of my mother, I thought we had the whole issue resolved … and then some. But apparently I was wrong.

About a week later I was making a cake. (I know, I sound wonderfully domestic and June Cleaver-like, don’t I? I won’t mention how Duncan Hines was involved.) After I was done mixing I let Max have the beater to lick. He was sitting at the kitchen table happily licking away when he pronounced, “I’m so glad to be alive!” (I know. The kid kills me. Where does he come up with this stuff??)

So I said, “Well Max, I’m so glad you’re alive too! What would I do without my guy?” To which he replied, “Yeah, aren’t you so glad you put your vagina on Daddy’s belly button?”

Um, yeah.

Share your funny kid quotes!!